So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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