Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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