Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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