Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize