That's when you crack a 10am beer
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
