We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
