I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
