i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
operation harelip BJ is a go
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
