This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
