I met the friendliest cop last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
