My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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