if i can run in heels then i can drive
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
