You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
