4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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