Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
