she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
