He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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