dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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