Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
