I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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