I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think people are normalizing furries
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
