I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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