Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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