What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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