honey bunches of taint.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
