I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
