Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
