I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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