Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
