my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize