Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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