I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
