i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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