I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
