Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
