You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
