its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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