she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
