GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
