I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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