Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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