i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
