ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
