I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
