Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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