He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
