Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
