I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize