Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
