New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
