Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
