The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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