How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize