maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
