office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
