You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
