I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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