You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
