ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's paper in my vomit.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
