Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She is in my trunk
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
