it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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