Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
