Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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