I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
