i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
