So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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