The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
