we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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